So....I have three children now. It is the weirdest thing to wrap my head around. Going from 1 to 3 is almost impossible to put into words.
The boys are 15 weeks old and we are slowly settling into a routine. Kind of. I know I haven't discussed them since they were newborns-I guess I should address that first. My recovery was very difficult. I had horrible insomnia when I got home because I was so worried about them being in the NICU. I drove myself to the hospital (about a 45 minute drive in traffic) at least twice a day with husband and toddler in tow. Then Ainsley got a double ear infection and possible RSV right before they were supposed to come home, so I was hobbling around, cleaning like a mad woman while my daughter ran a 103 fever for three days. Then, the boys were supposed to come home, but they were refluxing so much in the NICU that they each had some apnea episodes. I am shocked I survived those 13 days.
When they came home, the PPD set in badly. I fought it and tried to deny the emotions I felt, the worst being guilt. I felt like I was a horrible mother (not sure why) and that I didn't deserve them. Worst of all, Aidan at 2 weeks old began showing signs of pain and proceeded to cry every waking moment of every day. My stepmother came and ended up extending her stay 5 weeks because I wasn't coping. I went on a mild antidepressant and started thinking I should just
accidentally take all the pills in the house. Yeah, I know. It was my lowest moment, but when I acknowledged it out loud to my family and they realized that I needed their support and help getting through it, I began the slow road to recovery.
I went off the medicine within a few short weeks and sadly, once I returned to work in June to finish out my contracted days, I felt human again. Getting away from Aidan's constant screaming, which after seeing a specialist and having numerous tests done was determined to be reflux, was necessary for my happiness. Mike stayed home and dealt far better than me, and now I am back at home with the boys as of July 1st. The three of us spend our days trying to find peace for Aidan and trying to be calm. It is taxing and makes my brain mushy. It is harder than anything I have ever done in my entire life.
I have been writing the weeks on the fridge calendar, small baby steps in the hopes Aidan will suddenly get better and poor Quinn will get the attention he deserves. Aidan has been on four medications and we are trying soy formula now, which is our sixth formula. I began seeing a chiropractor for him this week. I want to ease his pain more than anything in the world. He smiles and coos and has gorgeous dimples, but cries during 90% of his awake time. Quinn is serious and I have only caught him smirking at me a few times. No cooing or laughing from him yet, which makes me worry, too. It is so hard not to.
I should add to this that despite the difficulties I am experiencing, I am really looking forward to seeing these babies grow into little men. Dividing my attention is tricky all day long, but I am trying my damnedest to be a wonderful mother. I have also kept to my hopes that Ainsley's life would be as close to normal as possible and thankfully, my husband and I are a wonderful team with her. She is enrolled in swim lessons, spends the weekend doing something with each parent, whether it be a movie or bike ride or birthday party. She loves her brothers, whom she affectionately calls "her babies" and we have not seen one instance of jealousy that everyone warned me would come about. She is a wonderful little girl.
August 6th is Mike's last day of work and then we are all off together for 2.5 weeks. I am calling this time "Baby Boot Camp" because the boys have to start daycare August 30th. Time to get them into their cribs, unswaddled, and hopefully sleeping through the night. They usually go from 8:45 pm now to about 4 am. I think Aidan would sleep through, but Quinn usually wakes to eat and wakes Aidan up. Haven't quite figured out how to solve that one yet.
This week I am also meeting with my Moms of Multiples group for the first time. There is one Mom whom I have spoken with a few times on the phone who has triplets and lives closeby. I really would like to spend some time with women who understand my life with twins and also hopefully join their playgroups once the boys are older.
The other situation that has been on our mind is the house. Mike and I both lost our extended teaching contracts for next school year and will be on a traditional 9-month schedule. That was a $14,000 paycut for us and then in May, the restaurant Mike has worked at a few nights a week for 8 years closed suddenly. We found out our friend who was supposed to come home from Korea and watch our boys has to now stay in Korea another year, which means we have to pay a ridiculous amount for childcare. All in all, the only change we can make is to short sell our home. :( We are upside-down $160,000, so it doesn't make sense to try to keep it. We already have a buyer and an offer, so now it is up to the bank to accept it. We will just have to rent for a while. We can rent a home with enough room for all of us in a wonderful neighborhood for $1100 right now. That will save us an astronomical amount of money and once Ainsley goes to Kindergarten in another year, we can reevaluate the situation.
Okay, so I will finish with some gratuitous pictures of my children. It has been so hot here so we don't get out much, plus with Aidan it is next to impossible. But we did make it out to dinner with friends for July 4th.
**Also, I would like to add that yes, I actually am the one who did not spell "fulfilled" correctly when designing the blog. And yes, I am very aware now my site address reflects my ridiculous mistake. It is probably going to drive me nuts for who knows how long - but I am going to blame it on motherhood. It is exhausting and like I said before, my brain=jello while caring for the little people. 
