I wanted so badly to keep up with blogging, at least so that I have funny little stories and the ups and downs of parenthood documented so someday my children could read them and enjoy. But I have to face it: working 40+ hours a week and trying to raise three children is exhausting. I don't even know where to fit in time with my husband or social outings with friends. This life is what I wanted. It is just so hard sometimes when you look up at 9pm and you realize that you ate very little all day, stood through most meals either feeding a baby or rocking another, and that you know you are lucky if by the time you shower and make it to bed, it will be 11 pm.
I feel very mixed about blogging. I feel like condensing, like making life simple and neat and easy. We are almost done with the short sale on our house, which leaves me with many emotions. We have put so much work into this house, watched our baby girl learn to walk here, shared wonderful memories in its many rooms. But the birth of the boys and our subsequent pay reductions have made it impossible to keep. We found a lovely home, even bigger than this one, with brand new everything, and it is located in my husband's school zone so Ainsley could attend kinder next year there and meet neighborhood children. Needless to say, the rent would be half of our current mortgage payment. It doesn't quite wash with daycare for the boys, but it gets us close. I think, while it certainly is incredibly stressful, it is the right move for us.
The boys are doing well, overall. Aidan has been struggling with his exposure to germs from daycare and he is now on his second round of breathing treatments in three weeks from RSV. Thankfully, it didn't seem to hit him too bad, but I had to fly in my mother to stay with for the first week of school because he had a fever and we obviously couldn't miss being there. It has been crazy, to say the least. Quinn, thankfully, remains untouched.
As for me, I am struggling a lot with the emotions of being a parent to three children. I feel like I am stretched so thin and when I see friends or even strangers who have multiple children and seem to balance everything so well, I feel jealous. Some days, after Aidan has spit up in my hair, after I realize I have walked around all day with carrots on my face, and when I acknowledge that the pain in my abdomen is because I haven't stopped to pee, I feel like crying. Even with Mike helping me, the two of us are exhausted. Blogging just seems very faraway right now. It matches the distance I feel with friends in my life, with not feeling like I can find women who relate to my situation, even in my Moms of Multiples group.
It is wonderful, though. Pretty amazing to see how much these two little boys have matured and changed. They both have their own distinct personalities and varied needs. I love them immensely.
For now, I may have to take a hiatus from blogging. It could be short-lived, or it could be permanent. I guess time will tell. In the meantime, I have purchased two baby books for the boys where I can document their little milestones and funny stories here and there so I don't feel totally useless.
Maybe, soon enough, I will get my head above water and I will see you again.
9 years ago
6 comments:
These words echo my very raw emotions; I just haven't had the drive nor have I worked up the courage to blog about it. Parenting is so very hard, and it exposes a lot about yourself that you don't want to admit, although rarely do I think we give ourselves credit for all that we are doing. Hang in there. I am sending prayers up for both of us and at the same time waving the white flag to surrender the guilt. Thank you or posting about this topic; perhaps you have given me the push I needed to admit my own feelings. Hugs and love to those precious children of yours.
it IS hard. BUT you will come out through the other side and breathe! And then have time to yourself again, I PROMISE! We JUST hit that mark this week with our third, Jessie, where we can DO things without having to hover over her and actually get something done!! You WILL get there!!!
Hang in there! Just to give you some words of encouragement, It does get better! Also having gone through the first 15 months with twin boys, I'll say it's just starting to get back to normal now. Try to stay above water with very basic Flylady routines (I remember you know who Flylady is!) and try to take time for you. Set reminders to eat and drink your water. You'll feel like you have more time and you have more energy as they get older and sleep better.
WOW! I have just read all our posts from the beginning in 2 days, I have been ttc for 2years this month and was just mooching around the internet while feeling pretty depressed when I found you blog. You have given me hope as you have been through a lot but just keep your spirit up and perceived, really hope my story turns out as well as yours :) All the best Catriona
Of course being a parent is difficult! But if you're at your wits' end, take care of yourself first. If that means getting a massage every month, do it. Minor indulgences mean a lot in keeping your stress level down!
I started carrying around a notebook that I can jot my thoughts down or whatever my son has just done/said that is funny. But if I don't get to actually post it as a blog, it's okay--at least I have something to help me remember. You also don't have to write a five paragraph blog post every day. What if some days you just post a picture that describes your day? What if you post a favorite recipe? The blog is for you, and you can do whatever you want with it, even if it means not writing every day.
Oh i see! I was a commenter, just forgot! Hope all is well!!!
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